marry the night

marry the night

I have always been attracted to the idea that one shouldn’t try to destroy, hide or deny the dark side of one self. For every sun-lit morn there is a moon-lit night. Every smile, a drop of tear. Whoever I am, wherever my soul comes from, I will not return before I triumph. And it doesn’t mean I have to battle my darkness in order to give the crown to my brightness. Triumph is the moment when I can bind them together in a sacred marriage.

Yet, stemming from worry, I asked: “how can I marry the night without getting drowned in it? How can I kiss her with confidence that I will still be blessed in the light?”

The Queen of Cups broke my shuffle twice, making sure that I got the message. She is one of my favorite Divine Feminine energies in the tarot world (the others being the High Priestess and the Empress) who always reminds me to, quoting The Mary-El Tarot – Landscapes of the Abbys, ‘value emotions [because] they are never without reason or source.’ Marrying the night is about valuing my mistakes, my anger, my sadness, my loneliness and my fear. It is about feeling it completely to the roots of the reason and source. Only then another layer of my self becomes unveiled. And the deeper I peel the layers off, the closer I get to my self, to where I come from, home.

(6 of Wands & the Queen of Cups of Mary-El Tarot)

Knight of Wands

knightofwandsSince I was a little girl
I have never dropped anything that I love just because people tell me it’s not worth keeping.
Not my dance style.
Not my way of writing.
Not my favorite music.
Not my sense of fashion.
Not my LOVE.

I wanted to dance Shiva but they said I was too weak to pull it off.
I love the goddess in the misunderstood
But they think I’m superficial.
Why should I explain myself?
If they care, they can try harder to understand me.
Why should you explain yourself every single time?
It’s wasting your time and distracting you
From your biggest task in life:

(Knight of Wands of Paulina Tarot)

Caramel-Popcorn Smell of Luck

Good luck must smell like caramel popcorn! All right, that’s my next hunt: a caramel popcorn fragrance, which I will spray in the air and walk through it before leaving the house every morning.

Because with luck sticking to my skin and senses like a sticky caramel does, I let people, animals and plants around me to taste it, too. Imagine you spread good luck wherever you go. I would be like the sun who creates my own happiness and welcome the gifts bestowed upon me by the universe and at the same time share them with everyone.

The act of sharing things rooting from love, like good luck and happiness, will perpetuate and more good things will keep flourishing. More masks are shattered, layers shedding, leaving the souls bare. And only then will we be able to decipher more and more lovely messages of the universe. When we are naked, we are one.

And it can all probably start from a caramel popcorn fragrance.

(Wheel of Fortune, The Sun and The Moon of Pearls of Wisdom tarot)

as water turns into fire

past life spread with mary-el tarotCoins around her hips keep jingling even when her musicians stop playing, the bonfire stops flickering and audience stop applauding because dancing is not her profession, it is her life. What she wears is not a costume, it is her fashion.

Life shouldn’t be hard for a daughter of a respected man and a clairvoyant mother that people love so dearly, but she is not a Dom just by birth, but also by spirit. It is not enough freedom for her to just live under the sky of countless stars, she also needs to get away from their rigid values. She has dreams that other girls don’t dare to have.

Simply put, she wants to be free to love, and she is in love with a man from a different tribe. A man who is easily misunderstood by many people because he, too, is a ‘deviant’ kind. His skin color is different. His accent is different. And she doesn’t understand why any of that matters.

Being at a crossroad is her constant struggle, for her chalice is brimming with love and respect for her family, but how can she stop loving a man just because other people tell her to? That doesn’t seem like a good reason to give up.

Their love is indeed incredible until the rope snaps and their strengths are tested to the limit. Too many fights and cold war, too much blood and tears. The man she’d die for left town and her wounded heart never dries up.

She stomps her feet with the beating of her pulses. She loves to listen to the moon and the wind whispering secrets of her forgotten memories. Her other penchant is Love itself, for deep down inside she knows that Love is the way to finish the unfinished matter. The vow that once was broken will get its second chance now. Water has turned into fire, and in this embodiment, she has more potential to conquer her fear. And this time, perhaps this time the unity will take place.

Lucembearer’s Interview with the Mary-El Tarot


Describe yourself in one card: The Lovers
Balanced mind and heart, non-judgmental ground, harmony, perfection

Your energy that I benefit most from: Page of Cups
Unconditional love, connection to inner child

Your energy that I find most challenging: The Moon
Layers of perspectives await to be revealed

Our composite energy: The Magician
Full potential, infinite possibilities, ultimate self