A Light

You’re so naked
A light, without body
So bright, yet fragile
So, that’s why
Everything tastes so raw
Seeps right through me
Grips me by the soul
To stay

My arms
I want to take you in my arms
Lend you my skin
When the darkness tries to steal your spark

A light, without body
A light, that sounds beautiful,
Brave, and true
A light that heals herself
By healing me
Who’s healing you

#GagaFiveFootTwo

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ZERO

Perhaps, all kinds of chaos are stemmed from the assumption that zero equals non-existing.

Perhaps, because of that, people think that they have power to annihilate other people. That when they have more money, they have more power over people with lesser amount of money. When they delete mistakes that they made, they become right.

What if we take our actions and make our decisions based on the assumption that zero equals all-existing? That nothing is everything? When all positive and negative numbers existing in the universe are added up, you will get zero. Perhaps, when we see zero as the sum of all, the source of energy, the alpha and omega, the yin and yang, we will become more humble beings. We won’t try to exterminate others to feel good, we won’t try to bully others to feel good, we won’t feel insecure because getting closer to zero doesn’t mean you’re weaker. Instead, it means that you are getting closer to infinite potentials, stronger power to bounce back. The thought of zero being the source of power gives dynamics to life that are stemmed from the feeling of abundance, not scarcity.

 

Glass half full or half empty?

Alive

We are so alive
That even night so dark
Is a stage to the nocturnals
We are so alive
That even death
Welcomes new life
What falls
Gives way to new sprouts
Long as we don’t dwell
Too long in the cold
In the loneliness
Seekers of love
In the remains
Feast of victory

the path

To walk the path erased by time is to walk blindfolded behind the trail of your scent.
I seem to have forgotten everything but my faith in your love.
We’ve kissed each other in many different ways, many different ways to try to stick to each other, so much, they’d think we are one.
Each footstep takes me back to a future-colored past.
This place you’re taking me, don’t take me there unless you promise to stay.
Let me see your light crystallize into a smile, two beautiful eyes, and two arms that would take me into you.
And we’d sparkle with tears of stars.
And I’d start remembering everything again.
The queendom and the queen, our light gowns and our wings. And all the lovely things we used to do together along this path, one life time after another.

Damn, I miss you.

Strangely, I feel completely normal. Too normal. I feel that I have even become nicer to and more tolerant of most everything and everyone and less ticked off by them. Except that I haven’t been doing stuff that I love ever since my brother told me in the middle of the 19 nights ago: It seems that papa isn’t here anymore. Stuff that I love to do includes listening to music (mostly Lady Gaga’s) singing (on Smule), and daily tarot reading (which I occasionally still do out of force).  Of course, this is just a façade. But, acknowledging the self-defense mechanism going on inside me doesn’t mean that I can break it at will. As much as I want to cry it all out, I just haven’t been able to find the channel to do it.

Music is like a good friend to the soul. Singing being the channel for my soul to express herself. And tarot is how I converse with the Universe –– me myself including. So, I can say that my subconscious still doesn’t want all that now. Deep down, I still want to be alone, guarding myself so as not to crack from the sorrow that I can’t feel. All I want is for the night to fall, so before I sleep I could send my prayers to the dear loving, funny man that had the guts to take up the role as my father (not easy) in my present life.

Basically, I am afraid to break down. Though above the water level I seem to have accepted the fact and the fate with all my high consciousness. I know I am just not that vulnerable enough for the black pit.

In the meantime I find solace only in Barbra Streisand’s Avinu Malkeinu, the Da Vinci Code’s Kyrie for the Magdalene, and The Nanny. I have grown a whole new level of obsession toward Fran Drescher, and even make an Instagram account dedicated just to her. I am the kind of person who, like my father, trust in the flow of the river. I trust in my journey, my demons and rainbows. And someday my river will take me to the right moment to break the cocoon open, ready to present the whole of better me with all my new wings to the world.

Damn, I miss you.